In the movie ‘Shaadi ke side effects’ and many other such movies and real life situations you might have seen child rearing from the perspective of a mother and a father individually. Many a times a small, simple thing as what clothes should a child wear at a party could get you into a clash with your spouse.
However, if you adjust a bit your glasses with which you look at child rearing, you could actually see there are more reasons to agree with your spouse than to differ.
Child rearing doesn’t surprise you only with your child’s new activities in the development process. It can also surprise you with the new and improved traits that you just discovered in yourself.
How your equation better with your spouse after having a baby?
- You argue lesser. Not that you and your spouse have any lesser reasons to get into arguments. It’s just that when you have a baby as an onlooker who’s going absorb even your gestures and the way you say things you try to be less touchy about things which can be/ should be ignored. You now also try to reach on a consensus in comparatively lesser time than what you used to take when we you were not parents.
- Quantity time together. When I say quantity, it doesn’t mean it’s not quality. As individuals, you and your spouse might have different priorities earlier. But as parents, you’ve a common priority – our kid. Taking your kid for his routine check-ups to the doctor or simple dropping and picking up your kid from the school, more than duties, become fun, family sessions.
- Common friends: Husbands have a different group of friends and wives have a different one, which is quite obvious. But after you have a baby, fellow parents who you meet at the doctor’s clinic or at school or at the activity class become your common extended circle of friends.
- Common foes: Okay. Earlier your husband’s Dilli wali bua or your wife’s Jodhur wala cousin were your eyesores. But now, after being parents the one who ill-treat your child becomes your common enemy. 🙂
Parenthood, a road to self-discovery and self-improvement
- Your shyness shies: Even those who didn’t have the courage to speak up to the teacher at their schools come out of their cocoons. Because now they have a kid to look after who’s dependant on them to address his concerns further. Parenthood can turn you around. Even the most shy and docile ones become outgoing and sociable.
- Topping verses trying: Mr. Balki’s academic records say he was a topper and for the same reason he used to attach a lot of importance to excelling in studies. He has an 8 years old son who’s average in studies but is exceptionally well in sports. Mr. Balki now knows it’s important that his son does well in life but in which field would be a matter of his son’s choice.
- Between black and white: You remember you once went for shopping with your husband and you saw a kid lying on the floor, crying and throwing tantrums to buy a toy. At that time you had an opinion about the kid and his parents. ‘What kind of mother the kid has, what kind of a father?’ ‘I would never tolerate such a thing?’ ….etc…. But now when you have a kid of your own, you have suddenly stopped being judgemental about other kids and their parents. Now when you come across a similar situation you just smile because you now know better about kids and their behaviour…and their tantrums also, for that matter.
- They were right! Who? Your parents. Being in their shoes you now know why your mom didn’t allow you for that sleepover at your friend’s place or why your dad took so long to hand over to you the key of your car. Your love and respect for them has multiplied from what it used to be.